Being Wounded: A Human Condition to Share!!

Our woundedness is never a curse and it is at the same time a blessing and even more than a blessing. No one can escape from the fact of being wounded - whether physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. Our woundedness is a latent potential to be actualized to become a 'wounded healer'. I first came across this enchanting phrase while reading Henri J. M. Nouwen's book entitled as "The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society."

In this book, Nouwen asks What are our wounds? He noted that words such as 'alienation', 'separation,' 'isolation' and 'loneliness' express our wounded condition.

One of the sharp insight that he gives to today's generation is that of the concept of "inwardness." Nouwen speaks of three characteristics of men and women of tomorrow (this tomorrow for me is 'today'): Inwardness, fatherlessness and convulsiveness.

Today's generation is characterised by "inwardness" - people withdraw into themselves. We can observe this fact in and around us. This inwardness can be positive or negative.

Nouwen says that the inwardness can lead either to a higher level of hypocrisy leading to privatism, which is very self-centred, highly interested in material comfort and the immediate gratification of existing needs and desires.

Inwardness can lead to the discovery of the reality of the Unseen which can make for a new world. St. Augustine found the Unseen deep within himself. That is why he sang out:

"Late have I loved thee, O Beauty so ancient and so new; Late have I loved thee! For behold Thou wert within me, and I outside; and i sought thee outside and in my unloveliness fell upon those lovely things that thou hast made." (Confessions, Bk X/XXVII)

We must look after our own wounds and be healed. If our wounds are neglected, it can create shadows in our relationships with one another. Open wounds often stink. How do we take care of our internal turmoils? The best way that has been practiced over the years is spiritual direction.

Today, there is a growing concern over having good spiritual directors. We experience a lack of experienced directors. The greatest complain of the Spanish mystics St. Theresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross was that they lacked a spiritual guide to lead them along the right paths. We need not despair of the fact of the dearth of good spiritual directors.. we can be good spiritual directors if we take care of our internal world. A good wounded healer "must look after his/her own wounds but at the same time be prepared to heal the wounds of others."

Who is a wounded healer?

A wounded healer is a person, whose wounds become a source of healing for others. When one's wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, one becomes a wounded healer.

An imagery to understand the concept better;

The spiritual canticle by St. John of the Cross powerfully presents one's healing presence towards another's woundedness. It is a poem that tells a story of love between two lovers - the bridegroom and the bride. It can also refer to the relationship between Christ (Bridegroom) and us (bride).

In Stanza VIII, Verse II, the Bridegroom compares himself to a stag. It is characteristic of the stag to climb to high places, and if wounded, race in search of refreshment and cool waters. If he hears the cry of his mate and senses that she is wounded, he "immediately runs to her to comfort and caress her." Among lovers, the wound of one is a wound for both, and the two have but one feeling.

Nouwen warns us that we must be careful about "spiritual exhibitionism". It can happen if we don't take care of our own interiority and integrity. When you remark to someone, "Don't worry because I suffer from the same depression, confusion and anxiety as you do," help no one. Understanding of another suffering person happens at depth if we have understood our own sufferings, if we have been willing to understand the depth of our suffering. We must question whether our practices of piety and positions as spiritual directors manifest a kind of 'spiritual exhibitionism'.

Freud looked deep within the 'psyche' of human beings. Frankl looked deep within the spirit of man and found within it the depth of meaning lying latent. Below is a short prayer that I made before defending my Mph Dissertation:

Dear Lord, on your journey to Calvary and on your triumph on the cross, you showed us the triumph of the ‘defiant power of your spirit’. By your wounds we have been healed. You showed us that one’s own woundedness could become a source of life for others.   If you could become a wounded healer, many who have been given the grace could become wounded healers! (Viktor Frankl was given the grace to be a wounded healer). Sadly, most of us go through life without ever knowing the inner power of our spirit we are bestowed with. I pray for all of us and in a special way for the young people of today. Give us the courage to face the difficulties of life and hope to overcome them. Lord, grant us the assurance that you walk before us always and at all circumstances. May we discover in you our deepest meaning because you are the ultimate reason for living and only in you can the restlessness of the human heart find rest.