“I
feel so horrible, when I have to be carried by someone else, I can’t walk, I can’t
go anywhere by myself,” said a hospitalized young postgraduate girl who suffers
from a minor spinal cord injury.
Now
when you are caring for the people you serve need only to affirm her and
be-with-her in moments of doubts, fear, helplessness and the inevitable
negativity that seems to come upon the sufferer. Hence the first lesson for a
fruitful ministry is being-with. This will give him/her a sense of ‘togetherness,’
a feeling of being cared for.
In
a situation of helplessness experienced by a person, how can you be part of
his/her life and share meanings in this shared existence? Affirmation is the key in
positively affecting the person you care. Someone undergoing a physical
struggle, which would eventually evade the inner strength of the person facing
it, affirm the inner strength of the faith, courage and positivity. In fact, in
our visit to her, we affirmed her saying, “You look happy, smiling and
cheerful.” She was indeed smiling because I feel she understood her
helplessness and was trying to understand the powerful yet the existential
reality of being dependent. She definitely learned to do things by herself but
in the situation that has come upon her, she has to accept and say “I have to
smile and be dependent on the other because I realize that I cannot do anything
by myself, until some power comes from above.” In our conversation with her,
she was so happy to say that she received a SMS from a priest which contained the
words – “I really admire your courage and faith to stand up against all odds of
life and still be happy.”
She
narrated her life story. “I was attacked by ulcer, malaria, and many other
possible sicknesses, but I came through all of them safe… and I want to get out
of bed as soon as possible.” In Viktor Frankl’s terminology, her ‘will to
meaning’ remained strong. We affirmed her, “you say it so and it will happen.”
The
hospital surrounding, especially the ward in which she was admitted provoked a
thought in me. Suffering is not a lone affair; there are others with similar
sufferings. In fact in suffering is solidarity. Jesus identified himself with
us precisely to tell that I am part of you. Jesus showed through his life powerfully
the meaning of the existent reality of ‘being-with.’
In
one’s suffering, if you shift your focus of attention from yourself to others,
there is a hidden treasury of meaning awaiting you there. Look at the nature,
when all around you is darkness, you feel that the nature smiles at you; the
sun shines before your very face and brighten you up.
In
this shared human existence, sharing one’s experience of pain and suffering can
boost the inner spirit of the other and lead to a meaningful bind of trust.
All
these are not enough if you do not affirm the presence of God. Hence praying
together is another aspect of the story of dependence and ‘being-with.’ These
tell us that the ‘other’ is significantly ‘the other.’ The other is a trace of
the infinite as Emmanuel Levinas puts it. In independence the ‘ego’ is baffled
by the myth of ‘egoism.’ This raises the slogan, ‘I am because I can.’ This
awareness should necessitate a movement towards the ‘significantly other’ and
raise the existential realm to the living out of “alone I can’t,
together-with-others I can.”
