Religious life, Formation and Sexuality.

Celibates can be the most loving of people or the most cruel. History carries examples of both. If I don’t love, my celibate life would degenerate into a barren state of being merely unmarried. We need formators who have faced their own sexuality, their deep desires and needs. How many of our formators are comfortable accompanying another person in this area of sexuality. Many so- called formators are persons with degrees in a theoretical subject, with little experience of personal growth themselves, and even less training in helping another on their personal journey. (borrowed from the words of fr.joe mannath)

Sexuality is an area where lot of hiding takes place. No one speaks to the other openly about his or her sexuality, especially in the Indian culture where sexual experiences are accompanied by shame and taboos.

Lot of repression takes place in the seminary formation. If we take into consideration Freud and why he became so sexual in his psychology and methods, we cannot neglect the fact that his age was the Victorian age wherein Puritanism was the main stream. People were not allowed to talk about sex or sexual experiences. And so many people who came to him with their sexual experiences (a factor that constituted his world view). The contribution of Freud to the field of psychology consists in the fact that prior to him people thought “I am what I am conscious of”. With Freud the meta-narrative changed into “I am no aware of what I am”. His conception of the interior man – id, ego and superego does have significance in religious life.

Many religious we see today are unconcerned and heartless people affected by persecution syndrome. All this is because of the repressed feelings inside. For example when a child touches his genitals, the elders say, “dirty boy/ girl”, “do not touch”. But later when the have freedom, they just explore their sexuality for a desperate need to know and put to test what the elders said about it. These expressions from the part of the child are normal and a part of discovery.

The superego of Freud (injunctions, the do’s and don’ts appropriated from parents, society, etc. that condition the mind) is very much domineering today in the religious structures and communities. Once you enter the seminary, you have to follow the bell and be conditioned for the reasons to make the life into a mode of asceticism and discipline. Even people compare the seminary formation to that of the military discipline. Have we gone wrong somewhere in our understanding of the human person?

In the formation house they follow the behaviorist school of psychology focusing so much on the reformation of behaviours. The preventive system of education is also behaviouristic by nature. The presence of the Salesian is a stimulus in keeping the boys away from misbehaving.

Formation and different therapeutic schools:

Existential therapy in religious life: Everyone has an existential cry for meaning, of being loved, satisfaction and a sense of achievement. In religious life once has to live his/her life amidst the personal history of discovering oneself and adapting to the personal philosophy of life. The superiors who direct you at different stages of formation can only be sign posts on the way or in some cases the formees totally become depended on them even for deciding what you need to do next. In a way being involved in a process of control and being controlled.

Cognitive aspect of formation: In the Salesian pedagogy, we give emphasis on being reasonable. When a rule is established there has to be reasons for that. For example, the reasons for not talking in the dormitory must be told to the boys rather than following a tradition blindly.