On Choosing Friends

Of late I have come to realize that friends do not come automatically but the choice is ours in making friends and meaning. I am powered by the insights I received from Henri Nouwen. This is what he has to say on choosing friends.

The spiritual life is one of constant choices. One of the most important choices is the choice of the people with whom we develop close intimate relationships. We have only a limited amount of time in our lives. With whom do we spend it and how?

Sometimes we act as though we will be lucky if there is anyone who wants to be our friend. But that is a very passive and even fatalistic attitude…. As people who trust in God’s love, we must have the courage and the confidence to say to someone through whom God’s love becomes visible to us: “I would like to get to know you; I would like to spend time with you. I would like to develop a friendship with you. What about you?”

There will be no’s, there will be the pain of rejection. But when we determine to avoid all no’s and all rejections, we will never create the milieu where we can grow stronger and deepen in love. God became human for us to make divine love tangible. That is what incarnation is all about. That incarnation not only happened long ago, but it continues to happen for those who trust that God will give us the friends we need. But the choice is ours! (Here and Now by Henri Nouwen)

He also says about vulnerability: True intimacy among men, requires an acceptance of vulnerability. And in this shared vulnerability, we can become one with the One.