Ashalayam,
juvenile homes and shelter homes are realities that establish the importance of
a home. But what necessitates a home? Homelessness is not only a presupposition
but an existent reality. This techno-scientific world with its limitless work
pace does increasingly create a world of anonymity. What you consider normal
today is the world of hyper individualism, indifference and anonymity. This is
a reality. Here I do not want to disregard the fact of the existence of good
people. But the existential reality works in polarity. Opposites do exist. The
experience of a home is juxtaposed with the experience of homelessness,
similarly hope and hopelessness, meaningfulness and meaninglessness. One might
hear of expressions like:
“I am a foreigner in my own
country,”
“Homelessness of the home,”
“Familiar strangers”
These
suggest the need for a home, a much needed experience of being at home, need
for recognition and a sense of belief that someone is there for you. A father
and a mother is that someone who gives you ‘assurance;’ that you can learn to
walk without stumbling.
Just
think of the old age homes throughout our country – what is the logistics
behind the establishment of an old age home? Though there are good reasons, in
the view of many who prefer old age homes consider their parents as troublesome,
useless and a burden. So put them in a place where you need not care but see
only your convenience (apart from providing for their material needs). Parents
who brought up their children love to be loved and cared for by their own
children. What would be their experience if they are neglected? They are
compelled to feel in their senses the homelessness of the home.
Now
what if the inexperienced children feel the same? One can easily notice a pattern
in the children who are in Ashalayam, Snehalaya, Juvenile homes or Shelter
homes:
Run away:
this is the first response they give to a situation which is unasked for. In a
home where the parent is abusive, the child is threatened. He/ she begin to
plan an escape: run away. Where to?
To an unfamiliar and unknown terrain. This is homelessness of the home -
running after security in an insecure situation. Having done this, they land up
in even more barren situation of hopelessness and ignorance. They are caught up
in a situation of a fly in a spider’s web (hopeless) with the
accompanying dangers. We have instances of young girls landing up in flesh
trade, young lads who are sexually abused, etc. If they believe in their
destiny, some of them do find themselves as an ant on a leaf in the running
water (hope) with the firm faith that they are on the road to safety.
Most of the boys who come to stay in Ashalayam are in the second category.
Those in the first category, though they come to Ashalayam soon find themselves
to be a frog in hot water. Hence, the natural response is to get out of the
thrownness of the situation. They leave soon (run away).
Struggle for survival:
The next naturally evoked response to the situation is a struggle for survival.
The children who land up in working for the wealthy to fill their stomach will
work any amount, ready to suffer any amount of injustices. One thing they
definitely would not like to happen in those experiences is - they pray that
they may not be deprived of their meal. One of the boys whom I met told me that
he wants to go back to the railway station. The reason why he wanted to go to
the railway station was that he could do some work, get some money and with
that eat, watch movies and sleep. They do not think of anything else. In their
struggle for survival, they learn to steal, begin to tell lies, begin to
pretend, in begging they tell stories to evoke empathy and sympathy to meet
their needs, sweep the trains, develop skills (massaging, singing, etc.). Those
who are clever and intelligent develop a pattern of ‘stay and say’. This is an
optimistic stance. Viktor Frankl would say that the external situations cannot
condition you but you can condition the external situation. No one can take
away your freedom to choose your attitude towards a given situation (though
apparently you are pinned in by the situation).
Stay and Say:
The boys who stay in Ashalayam want to say that they are someone and prove that
they are also one among the many great human beings who walk this planet earth.
They teach the basic lesson that we are dependent on each other. The boys are
helpless and always at the generosity of others. They tell of the stories of
human brokenness. This is manifested in their life narrative – a child is born
as a result of prostitution (you come into the world as the result of human
lust, desire for pleasure and really unwanted), children do not want to be at
home because parents go in different directions seeking for sexual satisfaction
(the children feel that they are caught up in between wondering as how to
understand their lot). They tell of the responsibility of parents (through
their silence), tell of the reality of an unjust world through their experience
of the world they encounter, tell of the divide between rich and poor, remind
us of the potential becoming of a child (both positive and negative), tell us
of basic human emotions of love, hate, fear, anger, rejection, etc.,
My Questions To Some Children And
Their Answers
In
general I asked what according to you is life? To this question they began
narrating their experiences. It is
Viktor Frankl who said, “experiences are life’s gift to you.” In fact
life is not tied up to a single thing, it is mingled and coloured with
experiences. The children view their
life in the immediate context of their experiences (both positive and
negative). The following are two examples of their life vision:
Bolkumar:
he narrates his life this way – My father is a thief, mother a beggar. My
brother died when I was small. My father taught me how to steal though my
mother objected. He beats up my mother and I. Then he put a question – how
should live my life with these people? So I ran away. The rest of the narration
was centred on his experiences of being chased by people and he being afraid of
police.
I
asked him – what would you become in the future? “ I want to become an
engineer, if not a bijliwala (they cut power every now and then, in my case I
will never do that). I will build a small vehicle which cannot kill people and
if at all there is an accident, people will be saved. (He directs our attention
to the numerous road accidents that costs the loss of many lives)
If you have one lakh rupees with
you, what will you do? His immediate reply was – if I
have money, I have trouble because there are many people who are ready to
snatch it from you. ‘Looto math mai
khudhi dunka’ said he in Hindi. (he definitely realised that stealing is
not a good thing, he experienced loss of his own dear brother, being chased
after, physically abused and a great sense of fear – yet in ashalayam he is
hopeful that God has something decent
invested for him in the future.)
What
do you think about the rich people? Actually there are no rich or poor.
Material wealth and its absence makes one rich or poor. The thoughts in the
mind are different. The rich do not think the way the poor think. Yet how would
you distinguish the rich and the poor? One boy with his penetrating thought
said few things:
If
on the way you beg to a rich man, he would say that he does not have anything,
they are unwilling to give but if you ask the poor, they give fully of what
they have without any reservation. Money increases your wants. There are very
less people who share with love. In sharing it really becomes big.
Is
it sinful to steal? If you steal for stealing sake, it is definitely an
intrinsic evil, but when you work for the rich only to fill your stomack and
then you are denied of your meal, the situation definitely make you steal.
Hence out of dire need (majboori se)
one is in a situation to steal. It is not a sin.
